Plant Rambles.

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I love to admire plants. I love the variety of them. I love that they grow in unexpected places. I love to watch them grow and see their progress as time goes on. I was talking with my one friend the other day and we both discussed our interest in the beauty and stability of plants.

It is interesting to think that plants sit in one place. They don’t move and it would be quite scary if they could. We can freely pass by plants and I often do. I pass by the same plants everyday. It is crazy to see that my life is ever changing while these flowers, trees, and weeds may be growing, but don’t actually move and change with me. It makes me wonder how many people see the same plants that I pass by everyday. How many other people have crazy hectic lives but find peace in the beauty of a daisy or pine tree?

I love it when I pass by a little crack on the sidewalk and I see a little daisy or a little weed blooming through the cracks. These plants somehow made it through the cracks and imperfections in the sidewalk. It kind of reminds me of people who bloom or grow through the adversities in their lives. They are softer and more beautiful than ever. Like the flowers that bloom through the cracks in the sidewalks.

During the winter time the plants in my mother’s garden get buried by mountains of snow. But once the spring time hits the plants all grow back. They all look as beautiful as they were the spring before. It is not too late to rebloom. It is not too late to be new.

Maybe i’m just thinking too much into the life of a plant. But I can’t help but think of these things as I stop by and snap a picture of the plants I see throughout my day. There is something to be said about the beauty of a growing and thriving plant.

 

Expression.

I went to work on Saturday, and when we had some downtime, I sat down, kicked my feet up and started reading a book. One of my coworkers decided to do something different with his downtime. Instead of relaxing he ran to Tim Hortons to get some coffee and a snack.

As he was coming in he said “Hello!” and sat down. He noticed that I was reading a book and asked me what I was reading. I explained to him that I was reading a poem book. I was reading I Wrote This For You and Only You by Iain Thomas (it is not bad so far, I quite like it).

After he had asked me what I was reading, he asked me if I like to write. I told him that I do like to write. I explained to him that I don’t write anything serious or groundbreaking, I just try to express myself through what I write.

As soon as I said that he said “Nonsense! You are expressing yourself, it can’t be bad, expression can’t be bad, it is simply just expression.”

He then went on to tell me that he writes as well. He writes raps and performs them on occasion.

After reflecting on this story, I wonder how many people would write, perform, or just express whatever is on their mind. There is no good or bad, it’s just expression.

Rambles on being busy.

Busy-

adjective

1.) Having a great deal to do 

verb

2.) keep occupied

Recently I have found myself saying the words “I’m busy” quite often.

I find myself needing to be occupied all the time, from dawn till dusk, until I can’t move or think straight.

I just can’t sit at my house and do nothing. I must be moving. I must be doing something. I must be productive.

I have associated productivity and worth with being busy. I have associated my worth and value with how much time I am out of the house and with how tired I am at night. If I am gone for the entirety of the day, so from 7 in the morning till around 8 at night, I feel better about myself. I am always scared and nervous to take a day to myself to do absolutely nothing.

I have noticed that I use tasks, deadlines, and time out of the house to just distract myself. If I sit at home and relax, I have time to think. I reflect on reality. I remember the things I don’t like about myself. I remember where I really am in life and that my little tasks don’t mean much in this big world.

The more I think about my need to be busy I realize how ridiculous I sound. I question how productive I actually am throughout the days where I run myself ragged. Sure I am out of the house, I am not watching Netflix, and I am not sleeping my day away, but in the midst of the craziness what is the quality of work that I am doing? Am I spreading myself too thin? Am I at the point where I am not doing anything useful because I am trying too hard to be helpful in multiple different areas?

 

From now on I think I need to take some time to just relax. To kick my feet up, sit in silence, and reflect. I need some time to sit and do absolutely nothing. No tv, no music, no journal. Nothing but silence and my thoughts. How often do you sit down and remember that this world is bigger than you and your accomplishments? I know if I remembered the smallness of myself, my life would drastically change.

:)

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I am slowly learning and embracing that I have the freedom to do whatever I want to do.

I am slowly learning and embracing that I can accomplish my dreams and whatever I set my mind to.

I am slowly learning and embracing that my bed is for sleeping and that it is OK to leave the house.

I do not have to be afraid. I am bigger than my fear.

 

Thoughts from the sticks.

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After a long couple of weeks and an extremely hard BIO test today, I finally had the chance to decompress and go outside.

I was reading my textbook, and I felt tired, so I put my head down. I laid my head side ways and watched the trees sway as the breeze passed over them. I don’t know why, but I felt a peace and calmness wash over me.

Watching nature and watching the world go by helped me to remember something important. This world does not revolve around me. Life is so much more than what is going on in my little world.

Even when things in my life feel like they are crashing down and going terribly, life keeps on going. The earth keeps spinning, the sun keeps shining, the flowers outside still grow, life goes on.

This world is so much bigger than myself. Life doesn’t stop when I feel like stopping.

I’m coming up green.

So tonight I have been feeling the need to be creative. I also felt the need to write. So here is what I came up with.

*Don’t judge me*

Middle School.

I met this girl.

Maria.

 

She told me my hair was frizzy,

My clothes looked old,

And told me there was no way that I could be a size four.

 

High School.

Tenth Grade.

Science Class.

 

I sat in the back,

the gross stoner boys also sat in the back.

They told me I was too skinny

and that I looked like death.

 

High School.

Twelfth grade.

The new foreign exchange student.

 

Her name was Alma.

She sat alone.

I invited her over and her true colors showed.

Ugly, stupid, not good enough.

 

College.

I finally made it to college.

Freedom.

New hair, new clothes.

Rediscovered God, found a new sense of hope.

Made some friends, found my calling.

I never knew the air could be so clear.

 

I’m coming up green.

No time for hating myself.

I’m gonna keep going, I’m gonna keep growing.

Silence

*A reflection I had after seeing a quote I liked on pinterest*

“So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I, too, am fluent in silence.” – R. Arnold

It seems like in today’s society every body is on the go. We all need to be active and productive. We need to be chatting, there is no room for silence. Every moment must be filled with something. Every moment must be filled with sound.

I would have to say I do not identify with people who always feel like they need to be on the go. I relate to the quote I put above. I often sit in silence. I find peace in silence.

In the silence I have time to reflect on things that really matter to me. It allows me to dig a little deeper. In times of silence I have time to consider things that are larger than the weather, homework, or the everyday traffic.

In silence I have time to think about my hopes, my dreams, and my plans for the future. I have the time to think about that kind act that friends did for me that day. I have time to notice and recognize the beauty that can be found even in a life that is as ordinary as mine.

How often have you taken the time to just sit? How often have you taken the time to turn off your phone, stop your music, turn off the tv and computer, and just sat in silence? Do you ever just sit and appreciate the beauty of a quiet moment?

Not every moment needs to be filled with sound.

 

 

My teeth.

My roommate is one of the most organized people I know.

She gets up early, exercises, and she even flosses.

I decided that i should try and take control of my life too. I couldn’t start all at once of course, I needed to take baby steps.

So I started flossing.

I have to say my teeth look fantastic.

As I was flossing last night I couldn’t help but notice all the gaps I have in my teeth. They aren’t huge gaps but they’re there.

I couldn’t help but notice that I love the gaps that I have in my teeth.

I love that my teeth are overlapping on the bottom and have gaps on the top.

They’re imperfect, yet beautiful, and functional.

I can’t help but compare myself to my teeth.

I am a little crooked and dysfunctional. But it’s ok. I am still here, I am still functioning. My imperfections are another thing that makes me, me. They make me beautiful. I will rise from them.

Chats with Lou.

A couple of weeks ago I was not having a really good day. It was just one of those days where everything just seemed to be going wrong.

I remember I was sitting in the library with one of my friends. She is in a lot of Bible classes with people who are older and are returning to school for some classes. They seemed to be having a rough time too. Their Bible classes seemed to be getting the best of them.

I remember this one woman named Lou came up to us. She is this sweet lady who loves people and loves the Bible. She came up to us and started looking at a paper and asking for help.

She shook her head and seemed upset to have done some things wrong when writing one of her papers.

She then looked up at me. We said hello to each other and just sat there for a second. She then continued to say, “one day we’ll get it right.”

One day we’ll get it right.

One day i’ll get it right.

An ode to college (something’s gotta give)

Sleepless nights and crying.

Eating nothing because of stress.

Acne, so much acne.

Isolation and pacing

Trying to sleep but my mind takes over.

My thoughts spiral further downward

down to places I never thought they would go.

No time for anything, sleeping and eating is not a priority.

Study, study, study.

You need to get an A.

 

 

 

Don’t mind my bad poetry. I took a lab practical today and I think I completely failed it. I studied really hard and it still didn’t help.

All I know is that something’s gotta give.